My Books

The
German Books

My first book in German was a travelogue of a year-long trip through Germany in search of the Middle Ages (and yes, I found it).

There followed half a dozen non-fiction books, often about German culture through the eyes of an outsider, and then came the novels, most notably a trilogy of thrillers about a profiler in Berlin.

My Books

The Handbook for Success

I wrote this book because I needed it:

A handbook of life, a simple list of rules and principles you need when you’re trying to change yourself into the man or woman you want to be – 

one I could keep in my back pocket and page through it every once in while, when I lose sight of my goals and need to remember what I’m supposed to be doing here in this world.

Loving and
Losing God

I was a believer – so much so that I went on a mission (to Germany) for the Mormon church. Then came the doubts, and I had to leave.

But just because you no longer believe in God doesn’t mean you don’t miss him.

A book about what really happens in the Mormon church, and a memoir about faith, doubt, and the hole that God leaves behind

The
German Books

My first book in German was a travelogue of a year-long trip through Germany in search of the Middle Ages (and yes, I found it).

There followed half a dozen non-fiction books, often about German culture through the eyes of an outsider, and then came the novels, most notably a trilogy of thrillers about a profiler in Berlin.

Available on Amazon

The George Washington Rulebook of Achievement

We all have dreams and goals, but no one is born with what is necessary to achieve them.

Over time, we learn – from what our parents teach us, from self-help books and from great examples – what we need to become the man or woman capable of achieving our goals, but in the confusion of the daily struggle, we constantly lose sight of our goals and need to remind ourselves of them in times of quiet.

I wrote this book because I needed it:

I wanted a book that contained all the rules, examples, principles and cautions I had learned but needed reminding of. I wanted it them short and easy to comprehend, and preferably in a slim book I could keep in my back pocket and page through from time to time.

That book was already there – it was the book George Washington used in school to practice handwriting by copying out rules of etiquette, referred to today as “The Rules of Civility”

Those rules of behavior ranged from “Don’t pick food out of pot when it’s over the fire” to “Keep in your heart the flame of conscience always alive.”

Many rules were outdated and many principles developed over time by the self-help industry had not then existed – so I edited the book, modernizing and expanding it from 110 rules to 237. They range from rules of modern etiquette and social interaction like using your cell phone in public or arguing online, to rules regarding purpose and the soul, including good habits that must be trained, learning self-confidence and saying a prayer of gratitude every night.

This book is meant for people like me – and if you are, like me, a man or woman who strives to achieve something in life, but needs to change themselves first to become the person you want to be, this book is for you.

Available on Amazon

The George Washington Rulebook of Achievement

We all have dreams and goals, but no one is born with what is necessary to achieve them.

Over time, we learn – from what our parents teach us, from self-help books and from great examples – what we need to become the man or woman capable of achieving our goals, but in the confusion of the daily struggle, we constantly lose sight of our goals and need to remind ourselves of them in times of quiet.

I wrote this book because I needed it:

I wanted a book that contained all the rules, examples, principles and cautions I had learned but needed reminding of. I wanted it them short and easy to comprehend, and preferably in a slim book I could keep in my back pocket and page through from time to time.

That book was already there – it was the book George Washington used in school to practice handwriting by copying out rules of etiquette, referred to today as “The Rules of Civility”

Those rules of behavior ranged from “Don’t pick food out of pot when it’s over the fire” to “Keep in your heart the flame of conscience always alive.”

Many rules were outdated and many principles developed over time by the self-help industry had not then existed – so I edited the book, modernizing and expanding it from 110 rules to 237. They range from rules of modern etiquette and social interaction like using your cell phone in public or arguing online, to rules regarding purpose and the soul, including good habits that must be trained, learning self-confidence and saying a prayer of gratitude every night.

This book is meant for people like me – and if you are, like me, a man or woman who strives to achieve something in life, but needs to change themselves first to become the person you want to be, this book is for you.

And this man presented them in bulk. It was endless. He made the church seem like it was invented by the Devil himself.

After an hour or so of fighting off his attack, we just sat there, dumbfounded, and took the battering he gave us. Nothing in the world was as bad as the Mormons. By comparison, the witch hunts, the Inquisition and the Crusades were almost positive. After all, the Inquisition and the Crusades had ended, but the perpetration of the delusions upon millions of people all over the world by the Mormon church continues to this day.

The blast of hatred was too strong; the doubts he awoke in us came too fast and were too many for us to beat back. In the end, he was victorious.

I remember shaking his hand, thanking him politely for the pleasant talk, assuring him that there are answers to all the questions he posed, walking out of that apartment, down the street and crossing a large parking lot behind the open-roofed shopping mall the Germans call a Fussgängerzone, or “pedestrian zone.”

That’s when it hit me.

I had to stop. I felt weak. For the first time in my life I seriously considered the idea that the church might be a fraud: If even half – no, if even a third of his claims were true, how could I stay in this church?

But it was even more than that: If this church was not true in all it pretended to be, then no church was true, no religion was true, and ultimately God did not exist.

I understood the final consequence immediately: If my faith was a lie, then death was not a step into a new stage of life, but a step into nothingness.

In that moment the parking lot seemed to open up beneath me into a bottomless pit, and I saw what I had never seen before:

Without the church, without God, without faith, death is an endless black hole from which nothing can escape, not life, not love, not humanity, not meaning.

And certainly not I.

I have never felt so alone, before or since. I have never felt so vulnerable. I have never been so overwhelmed by raw meaninglessness. The sun seemed to turn black in the sky, it felt like I was walking home in darkness in the middle of the day.

I never did recover, not fully.

In a few days I got back to the point where I could function. I was eventually able to recognize that the young man had wanted to hurt us. He simply loved destroying things that were important to other people. There is a part of our culture that celebrates what Germans call Rechthaberei – being right. If you can prove someone else wrong, you are superior. That’s all he was doing.

But I had already seen the black pit. I could not unsee it. That vision would never go away. I still see it today.

I didn’t know it then, but that was the beginning of the end of my faith.

Available on Amazon

Loving and Losing God

I was a Mormon missionary for two years in Germany and was a dedicated believer for much of my life.

Then the disillusionment – and the feeling that I wasn’t living my own life – grew so much that I had to leave.

It was the hardest thing I ever did.

Now, many years later, I look back and see more than just the reasons I had to leave – I also see the good things I left behind.

“Losing My Religion” is at once an honest and intimate look at the Mormon church – its dogmatism, its society-within-a-society, its history and its exceptional theology º and it’s my personal story of believing and losing faith, and the gaping hole it leaves behind.

And this man presented them in bulk. It was endless. He made the church seem like it was invented by the Devil himself.

After an hour or so of fighting off his attack, we just sat there, dumbfounded, and took the battering he gave us. Nothing in the world was as bad as the Mormons. By comparison, the witch hunts, the Inquisition and the Crusades were almost positive. After all, the Inquisition and the Crusades had ended, but the perpetration of the delusions upon millions of people all over the world by the Mormon church continues to this day.

The blast of hatred was too strong; the doubts he awoke in us came too fast and were too many for us to beat back. In the end, he was victorious.

I remember shaking his hand, thanking him politely for the pleasant talk, assuring him that there are answers to all the questions he posed, walking out of that apartment, down the street and crossing a large parking lot behind the open-roofed shopping mall the Germans call a Fussgängerzone, or “pedestrian zone.”

That’s when it hit me.

I had to stop. I felt weak. For the first time in my life I seriously considered the idea that the church might be a fraud: If even half – no, if even a third of his claims were true, how could I stay in this church?

But it was even more than that: If this church was not true in all it pretended to be, then no church was true, no religion was true, and ultimately God did not exist.

I understood the final consequence immediately: If my faith was a lie, then death was not a step into a new stage of life, but a step into nothingness.

In that moment the parking lot seemed to open up beneath me into a bottomless pit, and I saw what I had never seen before:

Without the church, without God, without faith, death is an endless black hole from which nothing can escape, not life, not love, not humanity, not meaning.

And certainly not I.

I have never felt so alone, before or since. I have never felt so vulnerable. I have never been so overwhelmed by raw meaninglessness. The sun seemed to turn black in the sky, it felt like I was walking home in darkness in the middle of the day.

I never did recover, not fully.

In a few days I got back to the point where I could function. I was eventually able to recognize that the young man had wanted to hurt us. He simply loved destroying things that were important to other people. There is a part of our culture that celebrates what Germans call Rechthaberei – being right. If you can prove someone else wrong, you are superior. That’s all he was doing.

But I had already seen the black pit. I could not unsee it. That vision would never go away. I still see it today.

I didn’t know it then, but that was the beginning of the end of my faith.